2009-The Year in review

As clichéd as it may sound- the year has flown by so quickly-I still vividly remember standing on the shores of south shore on the eve of new years talking about things I wanted to do in the new year and suggesting new year resolutions to S and the rest of the lot- This after the bat-shit mental dance routine we did with the boys- well choreographed but horribly executed by the crew- hey no complaints we had a cracking time. It just seems like an ordinary year from outside- with the usual joys in life –Liverpool fans claiming this is going to be their year/Indian cricket moving from being the most overrated to simply sublime in a matter of few months/Sunil Gavaskar spouting xenophobic drivel/ India judicial system taking ages to punish criminals for a crime against the state but I reckon the year had more action and drama than usual. This is a year when the world got obsessed with Facebook and twitters- People found an obsessive compulsion to let their friends and fans know about everything from the color of their undergarments to the frequency of their bowel movements- I thought I was self obsessed because I blog- Funny times eh?

The year got off to a truly memorable start even for a brown Asian guy with the Barrack Obama being elected the 44th President –the first African-American President of the United States. I don’t care too much for American politics but it is such a refreshing change to see the American president be able to successfully string a couple of sentences without looking like a – well “Bush”. The man has got a personality and a presence about him that you can even feel on the television- I don’t care what he is speaking every time he is on the television I pause for a few minutes to hear him speak. and speak he did a lot during the year. This is certainly not some blinded following because the world media made me believe so- I think I have a small man crush on him for the way he carries himself- Its got nothing to do with his health care policies/stance on war on terror. People were watching him with their jaws wide open as if they have never met or see a black man all their life. On the other side of the world journalists /common man were busy throwing shoes at politicians.

A R Rahman tried to steal the headlines in February with an Oscar award for his less than impressive compositions for a British movie with an Indian plot. Of course most Indians were offended that either their beloved Kamal Hassan has not won the Oscar as yet or SDM was not an Indian movie so ARR and us Indians should not be proud of his achievements. But the headlines for this month clearly belonged Mr Muthalik and his men who in an act of attention seeking behavior and because they are the moral guardians of all that is good and well in the society decided to attack women in pubs.They felt these women were bringing a shame to the famed traditions and customs of the “Indian Bahu”. Taking a leaf out of Mahatma’s books in an attempt to retaliate through non-violent means and borrowing an idea from the wonderful souls who thought it was an intelligent idea to send the pope condoms, the wonderful ladies – or the Consortium of Pub-going, Loose and Forward Women as they would like to be called thought it was a fantastic idea to send the man Pink Chaddis. The latest we hear is the pope has changed his ideas about birth control and HIV and Muthalik is so ashamed of himself that he is encouraging women all over the world to drink and is contemplating changing the symbol of his organization. Well done Gals. In other news -On the other side of the world journalists /common man were busy throwing shoes at politicians.

While the rest of the world was busy battling recession/depression the head honchos in the world of politics and business were busy buying jetliners/luxury suites and spending zillions on building statues for their kith and kin. A lot of them were apologetic but did not find the need to return the money to the tax payers who were made to pay for their livelihood and luxuries.

After 30 years of enthralling the world audience with some magical music/dance performances and enriching the lives of several drug dealers and quack doctors MJ breathed his last in June. A fantastic artist but a shame he will be remembered for his operations/drug use as much as he will be remembered for his music. Fans world over were heartbroken and took down quite a few internet sites while there were strong rumors of a lot of children breathing a sigh of relief- we are unable to confirm this. Common man and World journalists were busy throwing footwear at politicians while MS Gill and Suresh Kalmadi had a petition doing the rounds to make this India’s national sport to break cricket’s hegemony over hockey and Football. Lalit Modi was unperturbed as he was busy rubbing his hands and petting his cat and laughing like a maniac.

Delhi High court passed a landmark verdict in de-criminalizing consensual homosexual acts- This prompted men and women who were not even gay to come out of the closet- They just thought it was a hip thing to do and not to mention to earn a few hug from their hot female/male friends they couldn’t even get near if they were honest about their sexual orientation. In other news, SRK was completely outraged that someone had the temerity to frisk him – the Badshah of Bollywood at an international airport- A few days earlier Dr Abdul Kalam was frisked at an airport and the great man didn’t make a big deal out of it. Some men do have more class than others.

In October the Norwegian Nobel Committee announced that the 2009 Nobel peace prize award would go to a certain Barrack Obama. Conventional wisdom suggested that it was awarded for his public speaking skills before the committee came out and clarified that it was “for his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples”. Widespread sniggers from the public at large were drowned in the deafening applause from the employees of dictionary publishing companies and the patrons of burger shop round the corner. Obama accepted this award in Oslo, Norway on December 10, 2009 with "deep gratitude and deep humility."

Oprah decided that she wanted to create the record for serving the longest notice period in living memory. She has decided to retire in 2011. It will be an absolute shame that we will no longer be able to see grown up men and women in the audience act like delirious maniacs-crying and laughing on national television just because Oprah decided to gift them a free pass for her next show. George Lopez in his late night show made one of the most astute observations – Oprah has spent the past 26 years interviewing some of the greatest minds in the world. Then one day she decides to interview Ms Palin and immediately considers retirement- Well done Ms Palin.

It also seems like a very bad year for the Gillette group of Companies – 2 of their 4 icons have been caught in transgressions that they regret- Thierry Henry did a Diego Maradona on the poor Irish to send the Les Blues to the world cup at South Africa while Tiger Woods was (allegedly) busy texting and emailing every good looking chic in Las Vegas about how needy and vulnerable he is. World media is closely following Rahul Dravid and Roger Federer to see if they are going to kill their pet hamsters in the coming weeks. Most golf lovers are outraged that St. Tiger woods has done such an act and are worried about the sort of role model that he will be to their kids. The world would be a better place if people stop expecting sportsman and actors to be role models to their kids- I want my kid to look up to me for a role model and not Cristiano Ronaldo just because he is brilliant footballer. But what do I know? -On the other side of the world journalists /common man were busy throwing shoes at politicians.

Finally to me, last year I was hoping that I will realize in 2009 that it’s not important to be RIGHT all the time- God sure has a wicked sense of humor- He made me meet my special someone and suffice it to say that I haven’t been right even once for the past six months. Like they say god has mysterious ways of workingJ-

Cheers
S

PS I know this is a satirical post but no post about 2009 is complete if I don’t make a mention about one of the most fascinating incidents that happened in the year- Hudson River Plane crash rescue act- Bravo guys!

Heartfelt condolences to three special people who attained heavenly abode during the year – Nagesh/D K Pattamal and R Venkatraman

Here is hoping the fans/followers of Barrack/Bush/Sunil Gavaskar/Muthalik/SRK/MJ and like won’t take offence to this post