An Open Letter to my dear netas

Amidst your busy schedule of addressing public gatherings which are as important as my pub*c hair, could you please get your assistant to set up a meeting? We need to talk.

For over sixty years you have had your way and taken a lot of things from us even if we didn’t want you to- Obscenely rich weddings of your kith and kin, palatial six bedroom apartments, fancy cars and family vacations to the Swiss from money you were taking from us - But still happy to oblige! This is a nation which treats its politicians as demi-gods and you have supporters who are willing to put their life on the line simply because he thinks his leader is not treated with respect. He does this in earnest, believing you are working for the nation’s welfare. In return all we want are a few fundamental things which in my not so humble opinion aren’t too much to ask for!

Religion and Terrorism

We are a secular nation and are highly tolerant one. But that does not mean the people will remain quiet after every atrocity that happens to them. Please do not introduce a religious angle to every political problem and cultivate hatred amongst the people. I sincerely believe most terrorist act has a religious motive behind it and is caused by an earlier discrimination. We as a nation do not want another Gujarat episode and that is exactly what is about to happen in Kashmir. Every inflammatory statement by you will create another series of terror attacks just because an idiot took offence to it.

Curb Inflation

I don’t have the exact facts but I am pretty darn sure that no other country will have a prime Minster and finance minister with a better CV. I would be wasting my time talking to them about the ill effects of inflation. It has to be the single largest deterrent of growth.

Nuclear Deal

As I indicated in one of my earlier posts, we need to get the nuclear deal signed sealed and delivered at the earliest. You can read my thoughts on it at http://sharath-irrelevantrants.blogspot.com/2008/07/well-left.html

Political Heirs

Please stop picking your political heirs from you family. Most of these are people have done a rather poor job of shaping their life. How the fuc* are they going to run this nation? There is a reason why we are a democratic country.

Tata Nano- Farmers vs Industrialization

It will be a bushesque mistake if we don’t encourage a project by one of our biggest and most respected companies which has nearly 34 patents on car design alone with such investment and employment generating potential. It has to be treated like a national project. The state government should ensure the farmers are justly compensated in terms of price for their land and employee opportunities in the car project through suitable policy initiative. It will send all the right signals that we are a nation with the right political atmosphere which is conducive for investment. The growth that we have had since we adopted liberal economic policies is there for all to see.

Olympics and the so called lesser sports

The recently completed Olympics have sent out yet another timely reminder as to how badly we have treated the other sports (except cricket). Its definitely not crickets fault that the other sports have been given step motherly treatment. The administration has failed miserably in not setting up excellence centers and our crab mentality has only achieved in ridiculing the likes of Sania for the attire rather than appreciating her talent. It may be sound clichéd but a nation of billion people can definitely do better than 3 medals

Strikes and Bandhs

There has got be a better way of lodging a protest than to bring the economy to a stand still for a day. It is incomprehensible how a nation which is generally perceived to be hard working has taken such a strong liking to strikes. We have all moaned and complained about the red-tapism and nepotism that exists in government offices yet we have ridiculed the one chief minister that decided to act against this. I am not here to discuss the rights and wrongs of Jayalalitha’s actions but it is just the attitude of the nation that stinks in this regard.

Separatist movements and Kashmir

Kashmir is an integral part of India and we should never compromise even with an inch of our territory. Anytime we bow down to a separatist movement which is keen to use methods aimed at hurting women and children we are setting a precedent. I honestly believe the separate policy on Kashmir has triggered the movement of separatism. Please do away with your Hindu-Muslim bickering ensure that the wishes of Pakistan and the separatist organizations are not fulfilled even if it means by force!

Corruption

It might not be an inappropriate time for me to remind you that you are not an employee in some casino at Vegas who works on Minimum wages and tips! Stop believing it is some sort of god given right for you to earn extra money for doing your job. That’s the not the way it works for the rest of us and there is no frick*ng reason why it should for you. I am sure there should be an easier way to avoid corruption in government offices than for Indian Thatas and Anniyans to come and set it right. If it means it will eradicate the problem I don’t mind a few of each breed.

Sub Nationalism

Please stop all practices which encourage sub nationalism. India need not burn just because dada has been dropped from the Indian team.

I know doing most of the above might not be in your best financial interests but your country needs you now more than ever and after all we’ve done for you it is the least you can do for us!

Love
Disgruntled Indian

Avani Avittam in Bermuda

I absolutely love this festival- the only day I do any remote justice to the cool 25 grand my dad spent on B and me for our Poonal function. I love wearing the veshti although I have never managed to pull it off with grace. I always keep imagining that one day I will have a wardrobe mal function in front of Vicky-our neighbor’s dog and it will actually stick all 4 of its paws into its mouth and drop dead. But thankfully that has never happened and I don’t have to live in guilt for the rest of my life!

I also like the extra attention I get from patti when I wear the veshti- She constantly goes “Enda antha sreecharnmathae innum nanna ittukakodatho- Raja madhiri irrukada” (Why can’t you wear that Sricharnam properly- You look like King”) – (I am as surprised as the folks reading this). It is also the day of raksha bandhan- the day I get to act extra protective to my little sister. It is a day of overall happiness. There is a unbelievable amount of feel good factor when you celebrate these Tam Bram functions- I don’t know what it is – maybe the food or the day when everyone in the family actually forgives each other for all the mistakes we have made through the year. Trust me, coming from a joint family of nine people we constantly need these functions to keep us going- It gives a chance to forgive and re-start the wonderful journey (Man, I am sounding like Oprah suddenly!)

Having decided to go home for Diwali basically meant that I couldn’t be home for Avani Avittam (S, huge and sincere apologies for missing your wedding but my best wishes are always with you). So it was avani avittam at Panaoram Hill in Hamilton Parish, Bermuda. Being the god fearing patti’s little boy that I am, I woke up early in the morning took a shower and diligently sung all 5 slokas that my mom taught me when I was a kid and changed my poonal. It’s unbelievable how you forget the lines if you haven’t even thought about any of them for 2 years. I still remember the dialogues from Rajini’s Moondru Mugam even though I haven’t watched that movie for close to 15 years.

I was thinking that I could have done a even elaborate thing if only I had the “dharbai” as K had ellu and other requirements while chennai online was having an online version of “parachu” at one thousandth of the cost (our vaathiyar in Chennai for close to 130 years who used to charge a million bucks for bringing 4 poonals and mouthing off mantras so fast that sometimes we had the feeling that he has shifted to the Karunanidhi’s school of thought and translated all the Sanskrit mantras into tamil!) Damn, I miss that man- God bless him!

Anyhoo, I had renewed my pledge to uphold to my vedic duties towards humanity at large
K and S being the wonderful souls that they are had invited me for lunch. I managed to reach their place by about eleven. They hadn’t finished cooking as yet and once we exchanged pleasantries the conversation inevitably reached the menu part. I haven’t seen so much food since B and L’s wedding. S had apparently started cooking at eight this morning and I was surprised that she hadn’t started earlier. I am bloody sure that her mom had fed her with Red bull instead of milk when she grew up and all the energy refuses to leave her body. K was his usual self trying to correct every minor error that cropped up and trying to perfect the art of cooking I was still wondering how they come up with the energy to cook so much stuff so early in the morning not only for themselves but for an outsider. Anyway, I am just thankful that such kind souls exist and I get to eat any food beyond Maggi and the magic pastes made at Grand sweets.

We enjoyed the brobdingnagian meal which included Kesari/ Parrupu Payasam/ Vadai (I hate it when people call it vada)/Mooru kozhumbu/sepan kazhungu/parrupu/thaakkali rasam/thayir pachadi/Maanga orukai. It was only fitting that we had such a meal in a vaazhai elai- So K plucked a few leaves from the garden and we couldn’t wait to get our hands on the food. It was unbelievably tasty and aesthetically pleasing! It brought back wonderful memories of avani avittam at Pattamal Street. Home away from home!

It also reminded us of a rant by M at Orlando where he cribbed about how Bermuda was such a horrible place to live and how we are unable to get most of the stuff at Bermuda at times when we needed it most We disagreed with him then, but now I know what he means- How can you not have Ganga water on Avani Avittam day????? It just spoiled the whole experience! – (Sarcasm anybody?????)

Cheers
S


PS: M, I am sure you would have enjoyed this day to bits if you were around in Bermuda. We do miss your wonderfully flawed logics and your innate ability to argue about absolutely everything under the sun, not to mention your gift of being able to speak first and then think about what you said! Good luck with everything you take up back home and wishing you the best in everything!!!!!

Volley Ball

Almost every weekend of the past year has been spent on the lovely beaches of Bermuda diligently playing volley ball trying to hone our skills. We have desperately tried to understand the nuances of the game. The exact rules of the game have remained as big a mystery as who killed Kennedy but that hasn’t stopped us from arguing about the net touch/net cross/ carry and what not. We have sledged each other so much that we would have put the aussies to shame.

About a month back we decided to enter an amateur tournament to test ourselves against the rest of Bermuda. After a zillion arguments about the team composition and strategy we decided to enroll 2 teams. The big day was Saturday Aug 9th. I am just back from the beach with a severe sun burn (Hey I’ve got a tan nowJ-) and a severely bruised ego. Within a matter of 2 and half hours we got fu*ked more times than a Bangkok prostitute would in a year.

Bring on the tennis from next week!

Cheers
S

Dance

I have always wondered why I am such a poor dancer! Honestly, I love to dance and it’s pretty hard for me to keep my emotions in check anytime there is an occasion to shake a leg. (Trust me, the only time I should ever shake my leg is if dog po*p is stuck to my feet). I have always been very passionate with the things I like and believe in and suffice it to say I don’t suc* at doing things I like to do. But despite my best efforts I have always ended up making a fool of myself when it comes to dancing.- Case in point being B and P’s wedding and New years at café cairo- I would actually give up all my savings (which isn’t much though) if I could go back in time and erase them- What the feck was I thinking?

I was randomly watching videos on youtube last week and there I found the answer to my question: I grew up watching these guys dance and now I am wondering how I turned out this good.-


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaN_GJZo6ck

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VnIaiVeHiM&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkUyW1YHPbM

Enough Said!!!!

Cheers
S