There are a few weddings round the corner in the family- P has found her prince charming and has been all smiles for the past few weeks much to the joy /relief of one and all in the family. My cousin A is about to get married sometime next year and some very close friends R and P are also about to take the plunge. As a natural consequence the number of conversations involving weddings have increased manifold. Most people are completely looking forward to the big idea whilst some are not so worried about the wedding and are more worried about the marriage. One such conversation with T leads to this remark from her “it’s such a sheer waste of money and is an annoyingly silly joke with the bride and the groom as puppets who have no clue why they are doing what they are doing! Silly ;) and the ever so subtle VAK man had this to say recently.
As my friends love to remind me – I can start an argument in an empty room – This subject has been evoking some strong and passionate responses- Do weddings have to be a fancy fanfare? I just thought I might add my side of the arguments (Why the heck do people refer to their opinions as $ 0.02- Is it because they know it’s pretty darn useless?). Let me start off by saying I love Indian Weddings- They are an occasion to celebrate and rejoice – not only for the bride and groom but for the entire family. There is hope for a long and a fantastic association not only for the heroes and heroines of the ceremony but for the both the families. Families have always been of paramount importance in Indian customs- How else do you explain the concept of arranged marriages?
Its is so easy for the westerner or the confused nouveau-rich middle class Indian to mock and scoff at the proceedings of an Indian wedding for being a pointless and worthless exercise- but we need to bear in mind that unlike the westerners our lives tend to focus on family rather than the individual. I remember Aishwarya Rai had a brilliant retort to David Letterman –
D (Trying to be smart) - I heard Indians live with their parents even after they are 18
Ash: yeah- At least we don’t have to make appointments with our parents to have dinner together
It has always been about the family – Every success is cherished with the family, every failure is endured together- comfort in numbers. It is a real shame that most of us are ashamed of our customs and traditions- For the last time- Just because you don’t understand something doesn’t make it wrong.
I am not saying that every Indian wedding should be done at the cost of making someone bankrupt- It is after all not a status symbol –Just because Karan Johar decides to get Kajol and Shahrukh married with 7,327 elephants,8,236 band masters and food enough to feed the entire African continent doesn’t mean you have to do the same. We have been accused of showmanship- but what the heck do you expect – It is a celebration and it is bound to go slightly over the top- That is not only an Indian trait- westerners are equally culpable.
I am all for fanciful and fat weddings as long as you can afford it- A son or daughter getting married is a once in a life time thing and people would love to celebrate what is essentially the core values and traditions that define the Indian society with family and friends by bringing them all together under one roof- It’s a time to party and party we will- completely oblivious to what the world thinks of us-
So bring on the 3 day events- 5 course meals-fun and dance- because WE ARE LIKE THIS ONLY and there is not a thing any of you can do about it.
Cheers
S
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7 comments:
I enjoy the weeding if i am not the bridegroom. I still think the wedding can be done much simpler only with family and close friends instead of inviting the whole lot who dont care if the couples are happy or not.
cheers
I have not been to enough indian weddings to pass comments on this...
But generally weddings are entertaining....
Oh yes. I hear you very well and the message will be conveyed duly :) and yes P's smile has been so wide, don't think she has smiled that much since she was probably a baby.
This is also a good topic to debate and I prefer to take the simplistic route, though I was not manful enough to do it when I got married, since I wanted to maintain the "harmony of the family". I think weddings in North India are extremely expensive affairs and a lot of it counts for prestige of the families involved rather than anything else. I will stop here before I ramble off ...
Definitely weddings are a celebration. Its a pity that there has been a huge shift in people's thinking centering on the fan fare.
I agree with the underlying rationale - that we still live with the family in its true essence and a wedding is about a family also. To each one his own. Albeit, there are some funny rituals part of the wedding that i cannot find any relevance to the way we live life now and the age of people when they get married. Like for example the Nalangu or the kasi yathirai et al!!
Am not saying it is good or bad essentially! Am no one to judge, but i have asked this to a number of people and one is yet to explain to me the relevance of these. I scoff at these things.
And yes, if one has the money and wants to spend it, no one has any reason to be judgemental.. but do it coz u enjoy the wedding, not coz u enjoy the attention.. Its such a big deal that TV channels have programs on big fat indian weddings!! Personally, i would prefer a simple marriage with people who i think are well wishers and not inviting everyone you have interacted with evr since you were born!
Well first of all it is a touchy subject. Also secondly there is a lot that can be done better in the so called Hindu Marriages. Definitely any party is a fun be it a marriage or any other social event. A lot has to change--a lot of pressure on the bride and family to arrange the wedding ( which is first of all ridiculous. Why can't the wedding be simple as K said close friends and kith & kin from the family--Cut down the in laws brothers sisters uncles and aunties--anyway they gossip.
Rather than spending on the wedding-try to get the couple some honeymoon trip voucher to dreamland like the Land of the midnight sun etc.,--Sharath you can change this in your wedding which should be around the corner.
I had to say this even though i am south indian--North indian weddings are the BIG FAT INDIAN WEDDING.
Guess the whole thing is a sort of counter argument to mine -:). You will know the plight when you are the groom -:)... fun comes with lot of stress and cost...i do agree its a big occassion when whole family comes under one roof but ironically it becomes a big burden to parents with loads of rules and regulations. Moreover the "shared burden" concept may hold good in a joint family environment but doesnt exist anymore in the nuclear family world...with all this its less enjoyable and more of a botheration for bride / groom..
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